Category Archives: Pain

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The ‘Grieving’ Cocktail

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griefPREFACE: In an earlier in post, I determined to share about different areas and seasons in our life that often need holy intoxication. When we allow ourselves to become inebriated with God’s Word and fully embrace it, we experience divine liberation.

 

The death of someone we love shatters our life in ways we never thought possible. When my dad was diagnosed with stage IV cancer, I thought the foreknowledge of his impending death would help prepare me for the inevitable. I thought wrong.

Nothing prepared me for the overwhelming sense of void as I watched him take his last breath. Certainly Mary, the mother of Jesus, felt the same pangs of loss as she heard her son cry out, “It is finished!”

When a deep connection with someone is severed either through death, divorce or separation, grief kicks in. It’s a God-given defense mechanism that helps us cope with the crippling avalanche of emotions that put our life on hold.

So, what is God’s scriptural cocktail for dealing with loss?

  • Allow yourself to mourn. Ecclesiastes 3 reminds us that there is a time for everything, including death and mourning. Sin brought death to man in this life but the Cross of Jesus brought eternal life for those who accept its redemptive power.
  • Jesus understands the depths of human sorrow. He wept and was deeply moved when He saw Mary and Martha’s sorrow over the death of their brother Lazarus. Jesus already knew He was about to raise Lazarus from the dead, but allowed Himself to feel and express the crevasse of human sorrow.

“When Jesus saw Mary’s profound grief and the moaning and weeping of her companions, He was deeply moved by their pain in His spirit and was intensely troubled.” John 11:33, VOICE

  • God has instilled within the spirit of mankind a natural grieving process that defies race, language or cultural boundaries. He promises to lead us through the “shadows of the valley of death”.

“He was… a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief.” Isaiah 53:3

Documented succession of the grieving process includes: Shock, depression, reality of the loss and recovery. It is no respecter of persons.

  • As a believer, God infuses your grief with faith. That’s powerful! God has promised to be with us in our darkest hours which include our times of grief. God longs to give us comfort, but we must reach out and accept it.

“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.
He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” II Corinthians 1:3-4, NLT

It has been nine years since I lost my dad to cancer and feel confident I am in the recovery stage of my grief. Moments of intense sadness have diminished and the emotional void is being replaced with cherished memories.

I find comfort in the knowledge that Jesus is intimately acquainted with grief, disappointment and heartache and forever with me in every season of life.

“My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever  (forever with me).” Psalms 73:26 (NLT)

Know this: Grief will visit us all at some point but God keeps track of all our sorrows, He collects all our tears in a bottle and records them in His book. I’m not sure what book, but I can only assume it is the book of OUR life on earth.

That’s how much God loves us. He even keeps record of our tears. His love for us is amazing!

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.“ Psalms 56:8 (NLV)

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The Perfect Cocktail

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coppa-martiniDo you know the Bible has the perfect cocktail for every situation in life?

Bartenders are aware that the most important rule of mixology, the rule that supersedes everything else, is that balance is everything. The same is true in your Christian walk with Jesus. Forget about a splash of this scripture or a splash of that scripture.

To grow in God’s grace, we must look deep into His Word to truly understand and receive the balanced life Christ intends for us to enjoy.

We are quick to assess our Christian cocktail based on needs. A couple parts of joy mixed with a little kindness and love; we throw in a pinch of mercy for good measure. Or, I’ll take two shots of a miracle, one shot of peace, followed by three shots of forgiveness.

If only the Christian walk was that simple. It’s not! Bible cocktail recipes are based on sound doctrine and principles. We can’t just throw things into a shaker and expect it to yield a perfect and balanced Christian life.

The right cocktail of scriptures mixed with prayer is the only way we find balance for whatever weakness, need or struggles we face.

What does God’s perfect cocktail look like for you?

I invite you to visit my blog (DeniseMarksBlog.com) every Monday and Friday for the next five weeks as I share my thoughts on God’s perfect and balanced cocktail for our imperfect life situations. God truly desires for us to find consistency, balance and divine intervention in all things.

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GO FOR THE GOLD

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medal-390549_640I watched each Olympic gymnast run down the floor mat and jump onto the spring board. They catapulted onto the vaulting table with calculated precision in preparation for a perfect dismount. They knew every twist, turn and flip of their body could cost them a medal.

Countless hours of training had placed these athletics in a position to compete for the gold. They were disciplined, dedicated and driven to succeed in this competition but even that didn’t guarantee victory.

Slips of the foot on the balance beam, out of bound dismounts, body alignments and falls were critically judged. It required total perfection to win and every mistake or miscalculated move would be deducted from their final score. Pardon or favor by the judges was not an option.

I am not an Olympic gymnast nor do I participate in competitive events. However, I do train, practice and take part in Christian living. It is an affirmation of faith that requires a lifestyle based on Biblical principles.

Like Olympic gymnasts, there are times I make mistakes, lose my footing and fall. In those nebulous moments, I question the futility of my Christian commitment and wonder how many more times I can fail before being eliminated? The answer is NEVER.

In Christian Olympics there is only one judge that determines who receives the gold and His name is God; Elohim, (Creator and Judge of the universe). With divine knowledge God judges the actions, spoken words and hidden secrets of our hearts. All mankind is a participant and the only way to win is an admission of our unrighteousness and an invitation to make Jesus our Savior and Olympic coach.

To accept Jesus into your heart means imperfections are forgiven; they are no longer counted against you. The blood He shed at the cross covers the curse of sin. Like the Apostle Paul, the finish line is the Olympic goal of every Christian.

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. From now on the crown of righteousness is laid up for me, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but to all who crave His appearing. 2 Timothy 4: 7-8

Feeling defeated today? Are you ready to give up because you’ve lost your footing on life’s balance beam? Maybe you’re faced with life changing events that have caused you to lose your grip or have fallen from grace and overcome with brokenness.

Whatever your story and wherever you are in your faith, the Righteous Judge is near. He longs to show loving compassion, forgiveness and pardon from all your ineffectual attempts to participate in life without His help. He stands ready to coach you to the finish line and award you the crown of life.

“He knows the way I take; when He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold.” Job 23:10

The trials that test our faith are more precious than gold. So, go for the GOLD!

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DUCT TAPE, GLUE AND BOX CUTTER

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IMG_3530Three rolls of duct tape later my grandson, Fischer’s, Minecraft costume was complete. The duct tape seams were hidden by Minecraft paper I had Modge Podged onto cardboard boxes. My little buddy was going to be delighted with his homemade Halloween costume. I even lined the costume head and neck area with felt for added comfort.

The outside appearance of the costume would surely bring many oohs and aahs from my grandson’s classmates; the interior of costume was a whole other story. When the costume was removed, the inside was a mishmash of colored duct tape, glue and jagged-edge incisions of a box cutter.

Fischer didn’t care about the inside appearance of his costume; as long as the outside looked impressive to others. What he didn’t realize is that once the costume was removed there was no way to hide the patchwork of ugliness found on the inside.

I wager each of us has worn an impressive costume in life in an effort to hide the hurts, scars and sins we don’t want revealed. I will be the first to step forward and say, “I have.” In fact, my life closet includes several different costumes for various occasions. IMG_3532

There are more duct-tape, glued and box cutter incisions in my life than I care to count or talk about with anyone other than God. His grace and mercy covers the scars, hurts, losses and sins I hide from others. Day by day He renews me from the inside out and strips away the many impressive layers of my multiple costumes.

What costumes do you wear to hide what’s beneath the exterior surface you present to others?

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Perhaps your life is duct-taped because of alcoholism or drug addiction; or held together with glue from the scars and pain of a divorce, or the loss of someone you love. Duct tape comes in my colors to fit every life moment that we try to patch up or hold together on our own.

I encourage you to talk with God. He doesn’t just patch us up; He restores, recreates and renews us into His likeness. And just for the record, God doesn’t wear costumes.

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:17&18

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WT* IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE

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We are horrified and shocked by the beheading, crucifixions, executions and torture in the Middle East. It’s time we sit at the feet of our crucified Lord and intercede for the future of mankind.

Here is a recent post by Chicks on the Right about the beheading of James Foley to which I would like to reply. It’s a rather long post but I had much to say. You may not agree with my point of view and that’s OK. It’s my point of view and isn’t up for debate. If your point of view is in opposition to mine, write about it on your own blog.

WT* IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE! (Yes, it’s a strong language title, but worthy to this post.)

We have taken God out of everything and in doing so given an open invitation for the Prince of Darkness to become a ruling power on Earth. If there was ever a time to believe in Jesus, the Son of God, the Redeemer of this world, it is now.

“How dreadful it will be in those days for pregnant women and nursing mothers! There will be great distress in the land and wrath against this people. They will fall by the sword and will be taken as prisoners to all the nations. Jerusalem will be trampled on by the Gentiles until the times of the Gentiles are fulfilled.” Luke 21:23-24
“And you will be objects of universal hatred because you are called by my name; but he who holds out to the End–he will be saved.” Matthew 10:22

I think we can all agree that the United States is faced with universal hatred and people are falling by the sword all around us. Wake up America, the Prince of Darkness is waging a battle for your soul; for our nation. Even if you don’t believe in God’s prophetic Word, Satan does. He knows the return of Jesus is very near and he roams the earth like a wild lion to claim souls for eternal destruction.

Whose side are you on? As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!

The beheading of James Foley was a sickening and gruesome display of the pure evil of satanic forces that can inhabit the souls of mankind. In the simplest terms, I liken it to the good guy/bad guy war games played by my grandkids. There are the only two options. You either stand with God or with the enemy; there is no middle ground in spiritual warfare. The dividing line is made clear by scripture; you either believe Jesus died on the cross to redeem you from sin and accept His salvation, or you don’t. But Christians aren’t beheading, mutilating and killing people that do not believe in Jesus, the Son of God.

Muslin extremists don’t care if you are a Christian, atheist, Buddhist, Scientologist or any other known religion of the world. They have only one mission and that is for mankind to worship and submit to the laws of Allah. The words spoken by the executioner in the video of James Foley clearly stated that this execution was done on behalf of ALL Muslims, not just extremists.

The ISIS conversion fear campaign has become more widespread and now includes grotesque killings, mutilations, rape, crucifixions and living burials in the name of Allah. There are peace-loving Muslims living in my community, but as ISIS more aggressively infiltrates the Western World, and they will, that could change how we perceive Muslims within our communities.

If an extremist confronts my muslin neighbor with a sword and is told to kill a Christian or die, I’m fairly certain it would be my head on the chopping block. Think it will never come to that? Think again. Look no further than the mayhem in Ferguson to understand how quick a mob can increase in numbers when they believe they have a justified cause.

The catalytic reaction to exterminate Christians has been set in place; the only thing missing is the base and I believe muslin extremists are the base. Through fear tactics they will begin to fuel the acceptance of a ‘New World Order under Allah’; all in the name of worldwide peace, of course.

So to those who say the GOP should salute Obama’s handling of Iraq, I say this:
Obama is subject to God’s prophetic Word and it is Jehovah who will ultimately determine the outcome of the current situation in Iraq. I rest in the assurance that God is in control and the President and all other government officials are pawns on God’s playing board.

It is time for Christians in the Western world to cry out to in prayer on behalf of our country and also those Christians being persecuted for their faith. No one understands persecution, torture and death more than Jesus. If you are not sure how to prayer for our nation and the world situation, I offer this prayer:

And God said:
“If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.” (2 Chronicles 7:14)

Almighty and Eternal Father, we thank you for the inspiration and courage you gave to the founding fathers of our nation to establish a land where your principles and laws would guide us. You have provided for this nation mightily with every good thing but we have squandered your gifts and turned away from your laws and principles. Forgive us Lord. We acknowledge we have sinned against you and one another in every conceivable way.  We deserve your just punishment but plead for your mercy. (Nehemiah1: 4-11)

Grant us, the people of our nation, the grace to turn from our sins and return to you that we might be healed.  We ask this in the name of Jesus Christ, your Son and our Savior.
Amen

God is faithful to His Word and shall accomplish that which He has spoken.
(Isaiah 55:11)

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LIVING IN DENIAL

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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. –Reinhold Niebuhr

Long before Facebook, I wrote a monthly newsletter for the cousins on my mother’s side of the family. We have all remained close in heart through the years, but separated by distance. The newsletter was a way to stay connected with each other and share memories from the past. It was a great idea until an aunt sent me a past memory to post in the newsletter.

I included her story in one of the newsletters. Shortly thereafter, I received a call from a family member who was offended by the story. They felt the writer had darkened the real truth. In anger and hurt this person was quick to accuse me of deliberate misrepresentation of the true story.

It seemed both the storyteller and reader had jaded memories of the published story. The real truth will never be known because neither person was willing to change their perception of the story. They chose to live in denial of the truth.

Sigmund Freud defines denial as:

A psychological defense mechanism used when a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence.

Living in denial can be dangerous and can interfere with your ability to tackle challenges. When you refuse to acknowledge a stressful situation or problem and find ways to minimize potentially devastating long-term consequences, you are in denial.

It’s OK to say, “I can’t think about all of this right now.” Sometimes, we need time to work through and adapt to something that has happened or life changing circumstances. But, this should only be a temporary measure as we work toward the reality of the situation.

There are times in life when the truth hurts, makes us angry and forces us into denial. We run but can’t hide from the truth. Jesus makes it very clear that it is the truth that sets us free. It opens our eyes, ears and heart to accept those things we cannot change and to work through the challenges before us.

“So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:31-32

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IN DUE TIME

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beggingGodThere are times I have looked to God and questioned why me. He responds with silence and even though I continue to stand at the door and knock, He doesn’t answer. My soul becomes anxious for any kind of response so I resort to promises. If you answer me God, I will read my Bible more, donate more time to the church and the list continues. But my promises do not move God; he remains silent.

In desperation, I begin the process of begging for mercy. I know is absurdly ridiculous, but I do it anyway. God ignores my pleas and the door remains closed and I switch to a pissed-off mode. My ‘why me’ questions now turn to ‘how dare you’ accusations toward God. It doesn’t move God one bit. Overcome with defeat, anger and helplessness, I throw up my hands and shout, “I give up!”

As the words escape my lips a floodgate of hope surges within me. I question why such an intense peace fills my soul and an inaudible voice speaks directly to my heart; the unspoken words pierce my soul.

“I know the plans I have in mind for you, declares the LORD; they are plans for peace, not disaster, to give you a future filled with hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 (CEB)

When I finally gave up, God gave in; and when I did, He opened the door to my cries. Our Redeemer patiently waits for us to completely trust His plan for our life. As we do, God opens new doors of opportunity and points us in the direction of His perfect will for our life.

When you ask God for something, He can only answer one of two ways: “Yes” or “I have something even better in mind.” It’s a waste of time and energy to try and beat down the door, beg or make promises in an attempt to get God to answer. I’ve learned through experience that our waiting is more about acknowledging our need for Him than our need.

God answers us in His time, not ours. “Be still and know that I am God.” Psalms 46:10 (NIV)