When Friendships Change

friendships_changeSometimes we are presented with tough decisions that rock the core of friendships.

Friends with insecurity issues can breed cattiness and discontent; more energy is expended into their lives than our own, and we get nothing in return.  This has happened repeatedly in my life.

My personality is that of the fixer; the care giver who wants to save the world. Unfortunately, this is often done at the risk of my own well-being. This doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with these friends Per se, but when I discover we aren’t heading in the same directions anymore, it’s time to reevaluate the inherent attributes of our friendship.

Signs of a counteractive friendship/relationship:

  • A defensive nature is noted when threatened by the idea of change
  • The person isn’t in control of their own lives and look for ways to unintentionally control others, either through overt methods or subtle manipulation.
  • You begin to distance yourself emotionally, while interacting with this person on a practical level
  • That in withdrawing from a relationship you realize your priorities and happiness have been overshadowed by someone else’s lack of self-worth

To develop close, authentic connections and maintain healthy relationships we need to understand we will be affected by moments of uncomfortable feelings that result from difficult situations or the thought of anticipated conflict. Friends can have an overwhelmingly positive impact on our emotional and physical well-being unless that friendship is thwarted by differences.

Every friendship has a natural life cycle. Whether you build a friendship based on a circumstance, you may eventually outgrow that friendship. If the friendship does not help you flourish as an individual then you can let go of that relationship.

There is no handbook of how friendships work. Some people are in our lives for a certain amount of time because they have shared our priorities and passions at that moment of time. A fond farewell between friends is often one of sorrow but it doesn’t have to be with bitterness.

They simply become an ‘I knew them when’ acquaintance.

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