“I hate you”, I shouted. “You pretend you care but you are never there when I need you. It’s a bunch of B.S about how you give comfort and show mercy. You just pick and choose who you want to bless and crush the spirit of others.” The angry words spewed out of my mouth to God with poisonous venom. Yes, you read it right, I was talking to God; well, maybe more like yelling at Him.I am not proud of some of the shouting matches I’ve had with God through the years.  Wisdom, age and spiritual growth have helped subdue my outbursts. But even now, I find myself occasionally muttering to God when I believe life is treating me unfairly.Have you ever had a temper tantrum with God? Job did. Remember him? He’s the guy who lost everything; his children, wealth, health and property. Job was clueless why this was happening to him and he didn’t hold back in crying out to God in anger. I can relate to Job. I like how he just put it out there and cleared the air with God; and why not? God knows what we are thinking. We can bite our tongue until it bleeds but God already knows the angry words waiting to be catapulted from the tip of our tongue.

I am not encouraging you to start a fight with God; rest assured, you would lose. But, what I want to share is that God listens to our outbursts of anger toward Him. God listened to Job as he lashed out in pain and anguish. Through all his suffering and losses, Job wasn’t questioning God’s existence; his question was “Why me?” What have I done, what sin have I committed to deserve the awful things that are happening to me? Have you ever been in that place?

Job had done nothing wrong; he had committed no sin, yet God stayed hidden. Job’s desperate cries to heaven were ignored. Hopeless, discouraged and broken, Job resorted to anger. He needed to vent his emotions, place blame on someone and who better than God; the Big Guy in the sky, the man in charge of the universe.

“I cry to you for help and you do not answer me; I stand, and you only look at me.” (Job 30:20)

Our human nature is no different than Job’s. When our life becomes surrounded in despair we instinctively feel a need to lash out to someone, to anyone. It is God who tends to receive the brunt of our misguided anger. There is a sense of empowerment when spouting off to someone we can’t see and who doesn’t respond in an audible voice. It is a one-sided dialogue. We know no voice is going to talk back to us, but our therapy comes from expressing our opinion about the situation.

I am thankful God is patience with us, even when we pretentiously believe we know how to run the universe and our own life. His deepest desire is to help us overcome the storms of life and sometimes, just like Job, there are times when God challenges our faith and love. It is in those moments we throw a temper tantrum before God to display our grief, anger, doubt, bitterness, betrayal and disappointment. But God has broad shoulders. He withstands our verbal assaults and does not condemn us.
There are moments of heartache, tragedy and suffering that have a greater purpose in God’s plan for our life. God in His infinite wisdom deals with us as He sees fit and it is not for us to question or challenge. Steven Curtis Chapman’s song ‘God is God and I am Not’ reminds me how powerless I am to contend with the choices made by Almighty God.

Like Job, we can seek to solve the mystery behind our sufferings or question the direction God is pointing us, but sometimes God doesn’t answer. He remains silent to our cries and throwing temper tantrums and lashing out verbal assaults won’t change what He has purposed for us. It has taken time, but I get it. I finally understand that the God who runs the universe will do a much better job of running my life than me.

Today’s Meditation:
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways; as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55: 8-9)

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