Today I would like to return my giving heart to God. I want to hold all the broken pieces that others have never seen or care to know about and place them in the hands of my Creator. Shards of hurts that have pierced so deeply that the wounds are still recovering to this day.
Have you ever had gut-wrenching sobs that brought you to your knees in the middle of the night; not in prayer, but because the hurt and emotional pain was so intense it was crippling and left you curled up on the floor like an infant left to fend alone for survival.
Most days we are able to operate incognito like a Stepford wife, neighbor, friend or family member. We go through the motions and appearance of not being broken and those closest to us rarely take time to notice until our ‘enough isn’t enough’.
Yes, there are ‘takers’, at least that’s what I call them. They profess love and friendship with their lips but are the last to lift you up because it’s all based on how YOUR performance benefits their life.
None of us are perfect and it is because of our sinful imperfections Jesus came to rescue us. That’s the good news. The downside is there are those who believe they have mastered the concept of what Christ calls fruits of the spirit love, kindness, generosity and acceptance. They are the first to judge us by those principles but the last to examine their own heart.
An inherent part of my nature is to be a giver and helper. There isn’t much I can do to change that though, as mentioned above, I wish it could be exchanged for another quality that doesn’t place my heart on a chopping block when I don’t operate as expected.
When is it enough?
Never! We will never, let me repeat, NEVER live up to the expectations of others. One day we are loved because the choices and decisions we have made impact that friend or family member in positive ways. A few days later we are the enemy and harsh words are spewed out against us because we didn’t fulfill the expectations and desires of that same person who professed their love and friendship toward us.
Does it break my heart? You bet and at times it is crushing! But it gives me a better understanding how Jesus must feel when I do the same thing to Him. I’m all about Jesus when I believe He can do something for me and then pull away when I don’t like what He has to say or it doesn’t fit my agenda.
For today, maybe even longer, I will be heartbroken because my good intentions were misinterpreted, my helping hands were restrained by unkindness, my words fell upon deaf ears and I encountered unexpected stumbling blocks that caused me to temporarily lose my balance. Life continues and the shock waves of these disappoints, hurts and heartaches give cause for me to reflect on what is really important in this short life I have on earth.
In the end
There will always be those who mouth words of little value with proclamations of how you have failed to be enough. In our broken world there will be family and close friends who, quite honestly, never had your best interest in mind from the start; they are ‘takers’.
And then there is Jesus. A friendship created in Heaven and sealed with a blood covenant. A friendship that guarantees unfailing love and His assurance (stamped in blood) to never leave nor forsake us. (See Deuteronomy 31:6)
Heavenly Father, sometimes things get broken including our lives. Friendships, families, relationships become scarred by unexpected shards of hurt that injure our spirit, soul and hope. But YOU are always there to pick me up when my skies are dark and I am suffering in silence.
Take my hand and place it over the scars of Your hands and feet to remind You know rejection, hurt, pain and that so many have heard Your life story and believe it is not enough.
I love you, Jesus and I thank you for loving me.
Oh, Denise, I’m sorry you’re hurting (especially for something that shouldn’t have brought hurt to your heart). I wish we lived closer so we could see each other more often. If you ever need to vent to a safe place, I’m here. Just call. I know what a giver you are and what pure motives you have for your actions. Don’t let others steal your joy — let those hurting words or thoughts from others be like water off a duck’s back. Easier said than done, for sure. Just know that you are loved!