I stare at clean sheet of paper on my computer screen waiting for inspiration, but today the well is dry. Deep within me there is a spiritual arousing that is disconcerting and I can’t quite put my finger on what is causing this unsettled feeling.

Perhaps it was the newscast about a house fire that killed two toddlers who were left home alone while the mom and aunt went shopping. The …aunt’s response to the children’s death was, “I hope the food stamps in my purse are OK.”  Or the virgin homosexual who wants to perform anal sex for the first time before a live (paying) audience and call it art. Maybe it is the fact people are already buying tickets to this fiasco.

The sum total of what I am feeling could be that humanity seems to be digressing toward a Godless catachresis. No one, including Christians, wants to step on anyone’s toes. We have created our own interpretation of sin and it conveniently holds no accountability. We have lost our ability to weep and blush over sin because we are in denial.

A single three syllable word comes to mind as I sit before my blank computer screen; it is the word ‘repentance’. But repentance only works when there is remorse. The lady worried about her food stamps as two toddlers were consumed in a house fire is certainly not feeling remorse for her apathy. Her heart is hardened and the process of her harden heart began long before it was made obvious in the newscast.

Hardness of heart happens when our conscience is no longer activated or bothered by what God’s Holy Spirit tells us is wrong. It happens when we embrace unbelief as a way to cover sin and offer self-atoning arguments to our acts of pride, rebellion, and unbelief.

“Since they thought it foolish to acknowledge God, he abandoned them to their foolish thinking and let them do things that should never be done.” (Romans 1:28)

But why should anyone have to be accountable to God; especially when you don’t even believe in His existence much less this Holy Spirit Christians talk about? We are all accountable to someone or something. And whether you believe in Him or not, whether you like it or not, God calls us into accountability.

I type the lone word ‘repentance’ on my blank screen but no words follow. Repent of what? I can’t read your heart; I am clueless to your interpretation of sin. I am not your judge; I can’t hold you accountable because I am just as guilty as you. Only God knows what should cause us to blush in remorse and repentance. But I do know it is easy to fool ourselves into believing our intentions are pure and our heart is drafted for the betterment of mankind.

Perhaps the restless and uneasy feelings stirring within me are promptings from God to examine my OWN heart for sin. As I consider this my meditation and prayer today is from Psalms 119: 23-24 and Psalms 51:10.

God, examine me and know my mind. Test me and know all my worries. Make sure I am not going the wrong way. Lead me on the path that has always been right. Create a pure heart and right attitude within me. Forgive me of any apathy or self-atoning arguments I have shown toward sin in my life.


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